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01 January 2011 @ 11:05 am
Fic: Dealing With Children (1/1)  
Title: Dealing with Children
Author: sherlockiangirl
Characters/Pairings: BBC Sherlock, Lestrade
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,633
Warnings: None
Summary: Sherlock has always been something of a child, but Lestrade finds that dealing with children isn't always so bad.
A/N: Written for inlaterdays  for the holmestice  holiday exchange :D

Dealing with Children

Detective Inspector Lestrade tossed his mobile phone onto the desk and reached a hand up to massage his temples. Why did that impudent young man insist upon correcting his every observation? He looked up, thinking, then reached over and turned the device to silent. Emphatically.

A half hour later found the inspector still filing a stack of the latest trivial crimes to be dragged to his attention. Lestrade had begun to nod off in his chair, but started at the sound of a voice.

"Not reason enough to ignore your mobile."

"Good Lord, Sherlock! Knock on the door like everyone else!"

"Everyone else?"

Lestrade sighed. "It's common courtesy, whether your last name is Holmes or not."

"Hmph." Sherlock swept into a chair and tugged at his scarf. "You did not reply to my text."

"Yes, I know."

"The others won't work with me."


"John's out on business."


Sherlock's mouth twitched. "I need a second party to help with my physics experiment to prove the murder of Henry Murdoch, since for some reason I cannot be let upon the scene."

Lestrade folded his arms across his chest. "Surely there's some other team in the Yard that would suit your work better."

A puzzled look flitted across Sherlock's face. "I don't need a team."

"Sherlock, we're not your catering service."

"And I suppose my help with your petty investigations is only a rental," came the sharp retort across the desk.

Lestrade buried his face in his hands. "And now you're going to throw a tantrum."

"I might, though I believe it far beneath me."

"Everything's beneath you, Sherlock," Lestrade snapped.

"Will you come, then?"

"I have paperwork to take care of, files to sort-"

Sherlock rolled his eyes. "Boring. Petty. You will come help instead?"

"Ask me again and you'll be investigating your own murder."

Sherlock huffed.

The inspector ran a hand through his silvered hair. The nerve of that man. There would be no stopping Sherlock once he had it in his mind to do something, but perhaps the situation could be used to an advantage. A learning opportunity, even.

"Fine, Sherlock. But on one condition."

The younger detective looked wary. "Yes?"

"You help me with this office work first."

A look of disgust crossed Sherlock's sharp features, but after a moment in silent loathing followed by deep thought, he managed to mutter a faint, "Fine."

"Great. We'll start with these reports I need taken to the next room."

Sherlock took a step back, the look of contempt returning to his face. "I really don't think-"

Lestrade smiled, warming up to his plan. "Lesson one, Sherlock. No work is beneath you. You cannot always choose how things are done, but that doesn't change the fact that they still need doing."

Sherlock fixed the inspector with a steely glare, but crossed the room and hefted the large stack of folders out the door.

He stopped abruptly and whirled on his heel. "Do you need something, Lestrade?"

"Keep going."

"But you're following me."

"Yes, I know. Keep going. That desk there."

Sherlock muttered something and strode toward the indicated area, dropping the stack of reports onto the desk carelessly. "Your reports, I believe." The sergeant sitting a foot away stared as the files cascaded across the surface in a swath of papers.

"Now pick them up," came the inspector's gruff voice.

"Up? They're on the table, Lestrade!"

"There are things known as stacks. It makes things more efficient."

Sherlock threw his hands in the direction of the papers. "That is a stack!"

Lestrade cocked an eyebrow. "No, it's a path of death and destruction. Now fix it."

Sherlock gave him a contemptuous look before turning to straighten the mess of files. "There."

"Good boy."

"I'm not your puppy," Sherlock snarled through gritted teeth, stalking away from the desk.

"Well, you're being trained, anyhow," Lestrade smirked. "Just need a little work on your people skills."

"My what?"

Lestrade held up his hands, nodding. "I know. I know. You don't have any. We can fix that."

Sherlock had sought refuge once again in the inspector's office. "I just…want to conduct… a bloody experiment!"

"So do I. You do realize that you're surrounded by what are known as people? You talk to people using things called manners."

Sherlock's eyes narrowed. "How illogical."

"How necessary. You know, you'd get a lot more from others, Sherlock, if you would actually treat them like human beings."

"It has no bearing on my investigations." Sherlock countered quickly. "Are people facts? Are they evidence? That is the only capacity in which they can serve me."

Lestrade sighed, his humor waning. "You cannot talk to facts. Neither can you depend upon evidence to be there for you. People are more than just pawns, you know. They mean something in the end. Try to remember that."

Sherlock blinked but said nothing.

"Now," Lestrade said, clearing his throat, "Paperwork. Have a seat."

The young detective groaned, but sank into the chair opposite the inspector's. "I see you've recently gone through this stack," he muttered. "Probably looked over…about eight papers. Though in a leisurely manner, between your coffee bre-"

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"

"Deducing my office work. It's enough for you to do it elsewhere, much less here."

Sherlock smirked. "The Yard cannot compete on its own ground, mm?"

"Not everything is a competition, Sherlock."

"Right. Since there is none to be had."

Lestrade leaned back in his chair. "Really."

Sherlock gave a pretentious sniff.

Lestrade reached behind him and tossed a folder of photographs onto the center of his desk. "Your possible suspects in the Murdoch case. Well, so far. Photographed yesterday, an hour or so after the murder."

Sherlock leaned forward with interest, his fingers flicking through the photos in the folder. "This one's out," he commented, tossing a picture aside.

Lestrade leaned his chin on his hands. "Edmund Harker? Surely not."

But his guest had already puffed himself up, preparing the devastating deductive list that would put the end to all debate. "It's quite obvious, really. Harker would never have the strength to hoist Murdoch over the stair railing to fall to his death below. Lack of essential muscular structure and build. The way he holds his left arm--it has obviously been slightly deformed since birth. Therefore, an inherent weakness in that limb. His clothing suggests a regular workman, not the type to frequent Murdoch's regular establishment. I believe Harker was a carpenter? Yes, yes, we had recorded his profession. He had no plausible reason to have been present-"

"As a matter of fact, he did," Lestrade interrupted.

The corner of Sherlock's mouth twitched into a patronizing smirk. "Do tell."

"Harker was a carpenter, yes, but a specialist in his trade. Look here, Sherlock. Why are his hands cut? Out of pure habit, he would have worn gloves when working with the wood which means-"

"He did the job in a hurry," Sherlock breathed, throwing the inspector an incredulous look. "The murder wasn't plotted. An opportunity came and he took it."

Lestrade reached for his notebook and flipped through it. "Murdoch had called Harker in to install a mantelpiece earlier that day. Hardly an event worth mentioning, when Murdoch's body was found on the floor much later. Not an obvious connection. Broken back, forensics said."

"He fell from the second floor balcony overlooking the sitting room. That much is obvious. But if Harker couldn't lift Murdoch over the railing-"

"He must have gone through it."

Sherlock scoffed. "There was no evidence of broken woodwork at the scene. None. Which leaves us to conclude that an accomplice was-"

"Never there," Lestrade jutted in emphatically. "If he did the preparation fast enough to be remiss in wearing gloves, he surely did not have time to acquire an accomplice."

Sherlock's mouth twitched into the slightest of smiles. "Then what do you suggest, Inspector?"

"Harker found an excuse to break the balcony railing and replace it in the same day."

Sherlock's eyes were glowing. "Of course. All he would have to do would be to invite Murdoch upstairs to investigate the repairs-"

"Then push him through the last gap of the railing before replacing the final part," Lestrade finished, a slow smile spreading across his face.

Sherlock turned the photograph over in his hands. "Any evidence to confirm this hypothesis?"

"A dusting of sawdust was found on his trousers, though we didn't think much of it at the time. I've had the house remain under watch, so the scene remains untouched from yesterday."

Sherlock's smile widened. "Well, I suppose one man in the Yard can hold his own. On occasion."

Lestrade folded his arms across his chest with a laugh. "You doubted it."

"Not in the least. Whatever gave you that idea? Now, I we must confirm our suspicions by visiting the scene in question. Now, preferably."

Lestrade nodded toward the door. "You'll need to get those files back from that sergeant."

Sherlock strode out the door, and the inspector caught a faint "I beg your pardon…" escape Sherlock's lips. He smiled to himself as he pocketed his notebook.

Then Sherlock was back, placing the files on Lestrade's desk in a neat stack, more or less. "Now we've got something fun going on! Quick! Your coat! We haven't a minute to lose!"

"What about your experiment?" Lestrade pointed out.

"Hang the experiment! We've finally cracked the case!"

Lestrade shouldered his coat on. "Yes, but surely the great Sherlock Holmes does not wish to be accompanied by a detective inspector, who will only bungle up his investigation. Or so I have been led to believe."

Sherlock offered the tiniest of smiles as he turned on his heel and swept deftly from the room. "There are times…when I am lost without my Yarder," he called back over his shoulder.
Current Mood: tiredtired
LID: sherlock - lestrade :Dinlaterdays on January 1st, 2011 04:25 pm (UTC)
This is AMAZING. You are AMAZING! Thank you so much!

I am so sorry I missed this when it was originally posted - a back injury has had me internetting from my phone from bed for most of December, and I kept forgetting to check LJ.

I absolutely love the banter and dialogue. I was grinning the whole way through.

"Ask me again and you'll be investigating your own murder." "There are things known as stacks." "Stop deducting my paperwork."

Just brilliant. Mem-ing!
mazarin221b: Text Sherlockmazarin221b on January 1st, 2011 04:42 pm (UTC)
I think "Stop deducting my paperwork!" needs to be a Lestrade icon, STAT.
LID: sherlock - text lestradeinlaterdays on January 1st, 2011 09:55 pm (UTC)
It DOES. Every line in this fic needs to be iconned.
sherlockiangirl: Lestrade *DERP DEE DERP*sherlockiangirl on January 1st, 2011 07:37 pm (UTC)
OH YAY!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I had such a blast writing it, and am so glad you enjoyed! 8D

Oh no! Are you okay? Healing up well, I hope??

Banter is my favorite thing to write/read, and what better than to have it between these two? ;) Happy holidays (and New Year) to you!!! <3
LID: sherlock - s&l let's compareinlaterdays on January 1st, 2011 09:54 pm (UTC)
You're BRILLIANT with the banter! :D

And I'm healing up just fine, thanks for asking! Took long enough, though; I'm impatient with injuries.

OWL OF DEATHgoldvermilion87 on January 1st, 2011 04:42 pm (UTC)
I still love this story. :-D
sherlockiangirlsherlockiangirl on January 1st, 2011 07:37 pm (UTC)
Badass Jack: SH a pointalltoseek on January 1st, 2011 04:55 pm (UTC)
Oooohhh - Out-deduced by Lestrade! Good thing John wasn't there or the whole incident would go on the blog and Sherlock would NEVER live it down!

Lots of fun - thank you!
sherlockiangirl: paget!Sherlock--boredsherlockiangirl on January 1st, 2011 07:38 pm (UTC)
A pleasure--thank you for reading!

And yes, if only John had been there to blog about it! Hahah, the hard times Scotland Yard would give him! XD
I am weasel: sherlock swish by humansrsuperiorkillerweasel on January 1st, 2011 05:53 pm (UTC)
I really enjoyed this. :D
sherlockiangirl: Sherlock coat twirlsherlockiangirl on January 1st, 2011 07:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you!! :DDD
bugeyedmonsterbugeyedmonster on January 1st, 2011 07:23 pm (UTC)
Loved how calmly Lestrade handles Sherlock. This was great.
sherlockiangirl: Lestrade *DERP DEE DERP*sherlockiangirl on January 1st, 2011 07:39 pm (UTC)
Thank you very much! I like to think he handles him like a wayward child that needs correcting ;)
Ascendant Angelascendant_angel on January 1st, 2011 07:54 pm (UTC)
I love it.
Elanor Graveselgraves on January 1st, 2011 09:11 pm (UTC)
I love it, though I was having so much fun with Lystrade training Sherlock that I was bummed that it ended so quickly.
tardis_stowaway: high five or die 10tardis_stowaway on January 2nd, 2011 06:31 am (UTC)
Lestrade is so great in this fic! I love him training Sherlock and deducing the hell out of the case. Huzzah!
blooms84: lestrade doubts2ndskin on January 2nd, 2011 07:00 am (UTC)
OH! YES! I'm wriggling and grinning with delight--the banter, the slyness and sharpness of L and the grumpiness/childishness/prickly behavior of S, and the little twists that get them cooperating and out the door and "I am lost without my Yarder"--I really love this whole thing! mwah!!!